A Letter to Me from My Former Self

Dear Suzie,

It’s been a wild ride, the past few years.  By wild, I do not mean good.  But we survived it, and now we can begin to thrive.

I pay tremendous homage to the heroes along the way:  the people who live vicariously through their work, the same people I learned vicariously through.  The same people who have shared timeless tips and tricks of their trade, be it hockey, writing, or simply being a part of a cast full of people telling a story, be it on television, internet, big screen…and there really are too many to name.  Hundreds at least, if not thousands, especially if I wanted to include the characters who were all created from those who live vicariously through their profession.

But I want to pay my respects to you, Suzie, who tried everything, even if you knew the risks were far outweighing the benefits.  You’ve been so many things you never thought you’d do:  you were dead, a drunk, a man, a monster, a federal agent…and of course, a writer within the interstices of all of those things.

And through all of that, Suzie, you have pulled yourself through those obstacles, even if beat up, you’ve pulled yourself  through.  Your struggles have not changed.  But the direction from which you face them has.  You have chosen a different perspective — a perspective which is finally your own, without relying on the approval of others, and without needing a place to hide.

You are finally seeing the benefits of being your own person.

You are finally recognizing your need to make meaningful the actions you choose.  You are finally desiring to make good memories each and every day, and your foresight is returning to 20/20 clarity. You are beginning to see what you must do every day, and you are finally beginning to take action on those things.  I commend you for this.

You are finally honoring your need for space.   You are recognizing the carnal need for solitude. You are recognizing the desire to be fresh and ready for each day, and you are recognizing that the earlier you start, the better, just like the earlier you put yourself to bed, the better.  Everyone has needs, Suzie, but you are finally recognizing your own.  I adore you for this.

You are ready and willing to begin the process of forgiving yourself for the trip-ups and failures along the way.  You are beginning to understand how important it is to simply let the past go and stay in the past.  You are starting to emerge from the ash-covered barrens that were left behind.  You are spreading your wings.  You are beginning to open up and reveal yourself to those around you.  That same self that you’ve kept locked away for way too long.   I thank you for this.

I thank you for daring to be vulnerable.  For daring to let  that strong woman within you come out of all of the chaos and confusion that was hoed into the over-fertile ground that is your mind.  For removing the mask that keeps people away.  For putting on your real face that says “I got this.  I did not fail for a life, I merely failed for a time, and I will fail no more.”

You have given yourself access to eyes that see, a mind that knows, and a heart that is willing to jump through the remaining obstacles.  You have given yourself a gift of 100% absolute courage.  You are owning this gift, and you are using it.

I thank you, Suzie, for being in a place where you can not only see the things that bring more chaos, but you can also see what does not.  And you are actively taking action to eliminate that which keeps you down.

You are strong, capable, professional, vulnerable, yet strong, courageous, fearless, and honorable.  You are kind, gentle, pure-hearted, well-intended, and people love that you which I am describing.  Why do they love you?  Because you care about them, often much more than you care about yourself.  And they will love you even more when you bring your strength, courage, and fearlessness with you.  You are Suzie Hall.  And I adore with all my heart that I am you.  And I love you.

I love that I get  to witness first hand how you are going to finally fly free of the mess and baggage, and I love how I get to see you shine — I get to be there first when you wake up and look in the mirror and see this beautiful woman unfold and develop out of what used to be a timid, scared person who had to become a marionette to so many puppeteers in order to survive.  I love that I am becoming your closest confidant, and not your biggest disappointment.  I love how no matter what, I am okay because you are okay.

You no longer have to act when we are alone.  You have granted yourself unconditional permission to love yourself, take care of yourself, be yourself, and be yourself in the greatest way possible.  You finally see that you can be even better if you simply be yourself and honor yourself.

Thank you, Suzie, for being all you have been, even when it was not you.  I will take what you have learned as valuable lessons and not failures.

And again, I love so very much to see all of this first-hand, first-person.  For once, I am seeing a hero looking back at me through a mirror, and not through a television screen, silver screen, skating around on the ice, or on the internet.  I am so proud of you.  You have no idea what you mean to me.  You are me, and I cherish that.

Let’s take this world by storm!  And by storm, I mean, of course, by candle light, with a cup of hot tea, writing a book, with jazz music in the back ground.  We do it our way.  And beautiful solitude is our storm.

Thank you, Suzie, for being my hero.  I hope to be just like you, some day.

Love,

That little girl who got lost in the chaos.

Fingertips

Your fingertips were raindrops
On a hot summer morning,
Cool, calming, relaxing
On a heated day
Coming down on me
Raining down
Raining down
I didn’t have to strain
Or stretch my neck
To come and attain
The minute pecks
Of the dew drops upon
My face
My shoulders
My body
As I learned skin-sploration
The art of feeling someone
Without hearing a word
Or speaking them toward
Simply felt the language
Felt an ease
Felt alive
Felt appeased
Felt at peace
Like cooling raindrops
Softly falling
On a hot summer morning.

Shoot the Messenger: Chapter 1

“Ahh noo meep?”

The older man’s deep voice kept repeating it. Over and over, slower and slower.

“Ahhhh dooo mmeep.”

I struggled to ascertain what he was saying, but I couldn’t; they were too fuzzy to make out. It was as if I had muffles over my ears.

There was more mumbling, followed by a female who confirmed with an equally fuzzy “uh huh,” and I felt a rush of energy through my veins. Suddenly, I could make out everything around me. Beeps, buzzes, wooshes, everything. I opened my eyes to see where I was. It was no sooner that I opened them that I wanted to shut them back and wake up to the reality of my bed. I cringed and closed them. Realizing my dream was a bit more lucid than normal, I blinked a couple of times, then blinked harder.

No luck.

“Okay, very good.” I realized the voice was a doctor. Probably my dad’s age of 65 or so, bald on top with a crown of white trimmed neatly over the ears. He had a day’s worth of stubble, which I assume was normal if he were here all day.

I parted my lips to speak, but was welcomed with a mouth full of cottony froth.

“Oh, I’m sorry, spit here.” The woman rushed over to put a spittoon in front of me. I saw her name badge said “MIRIAM HO” with an expressionless mugshot just above it. She was Asian, small in stature, with stark black hair angled just above her shoulders, and big brown eyes that showed a look of concern as she watched me spit out what felt like a gallon of dry saliva. “Here’s some water. It’s cool so slip it slowly, don’t want to fry your neurons just yet!”

I took the water and sipped it slowly like she said. It was painful as if I swallowed ice directly. “Ugh, that kinda hurt…” I adjusted myself in the bed I was in until I was sitting up, but they wouldn’t let me get up completely. Not that I was going to, or anything. “Where am…no, wait.” I knew I was in a hospital, but the machines and monitors were nothing I’d ever seen before. Everything smelled pleasant, albeit sterile, but it didn’t feel like a normal hospital. I noted the wires attached to me were both electrical and intravenous — but the electrical weren’t just sensors. Two electrical wires were actually sticking into my neck. “I have a lot of questions, but I don’t know where I should start.” Before the doctor could draw a breath, I raised my hand to stop him. “I don’t know if I want to know.”

“Heh heh, you need to know. Garryn, you’re not going to believe this, but you’re in the year 2217.” He took a step back and waited for me to react, but I didn’t. After a moment of unexpressed, yet noticeable disappointment at my lack of response, he continued. “You’re in the year 2217. Two hundred years ago, you were shot and killed. Someone in the morgue decided you would be a perfect specimen to keep frozen as a time capsule of sorts for the future. After what we call “The End,” your frozen body was found in the rubble at what used to be Baylor Medical Center. How your body survived, we don’t know. Your body was the only one of the six they had stored that survived in tact and in a manner that we could operate on and revive you.”

I waited for a minute to see if he was done, then scoffed, “okay, time to wake up…” I started to pinch and claw my arm to get a reaction out of myself, then Miriam slapped my hand.

“Stop that!!!” She yelled.

“Okay, wait. I felt that, that hurt.” Then it hit me. “I– I’m not dreaming, am I…”

He looked up at a monitor — that was transparent — and mumbled, “excuse me for a moment….” He turned and walked to the other side of the room, which was a really long way away. It had to be over a hundred feet or more.

“Nope, you’re really awake!” Miriam looked pleased to announce this tragedy to me. She jutted out her hand to shake mine, which I took cautiously. “Miriam Ho, call me Miri.” Her smile was as bright as the white walls and ceiling…and sheets and her lab coat…

“Pleased to meet you, I think? I’m Garryn Dragon…” I shook my head, “sorry, you already know that.”

She giggled a little and replied, “it’s okay, we’ve just never revived someone who’s been dead for so long. Our oldest revival was dead for three days.”

“Wow, so…you can bring people back to life, now?” I scratched the back of my head as she helped me to sit on the side of it. I looked down at my feet that dangled off the side, just inches from the floor.”

“Yes we can, if it’s on your ID chip.”

“So…no more organ donation? And wait, an RFID chip?!?” At this point, I wasn’t sure if I was impressed or concerned about the medical advancements of the future.

“Yes, RFID! Wow, how did you know that?”

“Oh, I may be um…old, but I’m not that old. They started putting those chips in our pets back in my day.”

“Pets? It’s so sad, we can’t keep pets in the city limits, anymore.” She sighed. “The City allowed us to keep the ones we had until they passed, and mine passed away when I was eighteen.”

“Aww,” I thought about my parents’ two springer spaniels and how much they meant to me, and how sad it would be not to have an animal companion, then I thought about my parents, then my friends. “Oh, man, this isn’t going to be easy. Um, when did The End happen?”

“Almost a hundred years ago.”

The doctor returned with a tablet in hand, pressed a button, and a holographic image of a man appeared. Everything was green except for one orange spot behind the left knee. I felt behind my knee to see if that image was supposed to represent me, and I was right. “It’s just a bruise, I think.”

“Yes,” he said. “It’s just a bruise. Must have gotten that when they moved you to a new bed.”

“Oh.”

“Okay, so let’s get down to your vitals.” He tapped his tablet a few more times, then stopped and looked at me. “Before we begin, my name is Doctor Peter Schwartzman, and I am the overseer of the mission to bring you back to life. Obviously this has been a successful endeavor, and I am pleased to be one of the first two people to greet you back into the world. It goes without saying that there is a lot to talk about, but you appear to be in good spirits, and thus far, you’re not overreacting like I anticipated. Is there anything you need before we begin?”

I thought about it for a minute. “Do we still have coffee, and can I have two spoons full of sugar in it?”

“On my way!” Miri bounced over to a machine in the wall, and came back with a steaming hot cup of coffee, and a small chunk of ice next to it. “Just in case it’s too hot.”

I thanked her, then looked at Dr. Schwartzman. “I’m all ears.”

“Okay…I won’t bore you with your vitals. Your heart rate is great, and your numbers are impeccable. Your brain sustained significant damage in the assassination, but we repaired all that.”

“Assassination?” I remembered getting out of the car the day I was…shot. I remember getting shot, but… “assassinated?!?”

“Yes, someone killed you on purpose.”

I was seriously confused. “What the hell for? I was…I am only 27… I was only giving a speech on –”

“Net neutrality,” he took over the conversation. “Human diversity and net neutrality. But we’re not talking politics, right now, we’re talking vitals and your alterations.”

“I’ve been altered?” I rushed to remove my gown and grabbed my scrotum, which was thankfully present and accounted for. Miri blushed and looked away quickly. “Oh my god, whew…”

“No, put that back,” he ordered, putting my gown back over my body. “Alterations as in cybergenetic alterations.” He waited for me to say anything else. “Can I continue?”

“Yes, sir, sorry.”

“You are fine. As I was saying, your vitals are in check, your brain was damaged, but we were able to sync the damaged neurotransmitters to artificial ones, 120,000 or more, and there is a MESH unit just under your scalp in the back of your head where you were shot. Everything healed quickly and perfectly, as we expected, and a couple of jolts of energy got us to where we are, now.”

“So I was basically jump started.”

The doctor laughed. “Basically.”

Feeling through my thick brown hair for evidence of the MESH thing, I asked, “What is a MESH unit?”

“Mental to Electronic Synchronization Harness.”

“What does it do?”

“It assists the artificial neurotransmitters with their functions. You were injured in the part of your brain that is responsible for logic, and the MESH unit acts as a conduit for your new logic center to operate properly. It’s very small, you won’t feel it.” He looked over at Miri and motioned for her to come closer. “Go ahead and unplug him.”

She started removing all of the sensors, then the IVs, and then unplugged the two electrical cords that were plugged in like headphone jacks to my neck. I reached up to feel two holes in the side of my neck — that were apparently permanent slots for the jacks she took out. “What is this?”

“Data jacks.”

“Data jacks?” This had to be a dream. “What do they do.”

“Remember the RFID chip We talked about earlier?” Dr. Schwartzman pointed at his neck. “These jacks allow us to be revived if we are to die. The bottom one is incoming, top is outgoing, just like a modem from your era. It’s hard to explain, but there is a chip at the base of the outgoing jack, and if you die, whether you’re linked in or not, it sends a signal for Osiris to come pick you up and bring you here so we can revive you. It can take several days, but we are usually able to bring you back without many alterations.”

“Alterations like my MESH unit…”

“Exactly.” He sat his tablet on a table by my bed and asked, “are there any other questions?”

“I don’t think so…” I looked up at him and took a deep breath. I exhaled, “None that I won’t answer, myself, over time.”

He smiled proudly. “Good. Miri, get him some clothes and take him home, get him reacquainted with the times, and bring him to work with you next Tuesday.”

“Yes sir!”

“Oh, Miri? There’s a packet of stuff for him, including some creds to get him started.”

“Speaking of which, what is the date?”

“Tuesday, May twentieth.”

“Okay, thanks.” I watched him leave the room, and looked over at Miri. “So you’re taking me home?”

“Well, not quite,” She explained. “You’re going to live next door to me, at least for awhile, or until you decide you don’t like it. Trust me, you’ll like it, this is the only truly safe place in New Dallas.”

“Ahh, so I’m still in Dallas…”

“Yes. There’s a small bag over there if you want to get it. I didn’t know what you’d like so I just bought whatever I knew fit you. I’ll stay over here, and there’s a restroom if you need to use it to change in.”

“Thanks.” I went into the bathroom with the bag, and she picked out some really nice things. My newest pair of underwear was black, same with the socks. They still had jeans, which was really nice, and I picked a pre-worn red t-shirt with a logo with the word Soliloquy on it to wear over a white undershirt. I threw on the lack lace-up boots and a matching belt, but left the red shirt untucked. Stepping out of the bathroom, I announced, “Fashion hasn’t changed much, it appears.”

“You’re right, to an extent.” She motioned for me to follow her out of the room, and continued, “it’s not really that fashion hasn’t changed, but we really don’t have the time or ability to really change things that don’t have to be changed. It’s a mess outside this building.”

As we left the room and went down the elevator, she told me about what happened in The End. Nobody really knows what triggered it, except without much warning, the whole world was at war. The massive heat from all of the bombs and weapons going off triggered a major global climate change that also seemed to happen overnight. Due to the cold weather and satellites going haywire, everyone lost all electronic communication. The whole world was isolated from one another. She said it was like a modern-day Babel.

After the thaw, which was about 75 years ago, cities began rebuilding, and relying on immediate communities for their resources. A man in Dublin repaired his computer, and when he attempted to connect to the internet using his own brainwaves, he was sucked into a very realistic alternate reality. It was so realistic that it introduced itself to him as AlterNet. He met someone else there who claimed to be from Japan, and the two met up in Russia via helicopter, where they began an expedition to reunite the planet via this AlterNet.

Miri shared some tabloid rumors about this AlterNet — she said a woman in Boston claimed to get pregnant after having sex on the AlterNet, which I laughed hard, but Miri said it could be possible, since people can get shot on AlterNet by some one who lived over 100 miles away, and they end up in the hospital with gunshot wounds — only no bullets. She told me Soliloquy is a sort of alternate reality travel company that’s pushing for people to get linked.

“So you’re telling me that this AlterNet is so realistic, it’s like a literal parallel universe of some sort.”

“Yes.” She pushed open the main door of the building, then led me to a walkway toward a bus stop. “As a matter of fact, since you’re still wet behind the ears,” her eyes locked on mine, “don’t go in it unless I’m there, too.” She jumped on the bus when it arrived — which looked like it drove straight from the wrecking yard, and continued, “as a matter of fact, don’t go anywhere without me for awhile, okay?”

“Sure, not a problem.”

Album Review: Legacy Nation, Vol. 1

RayBan Music Movement’s compilation album, Legacy Nation Vol. 1, was a welcome treat to my over-metaled ears.  I found the album on Spotify, and gave it a full listen while in the gym.  Overall, the track list is a perfect blend of pop, rap, hip hop, and soulful RnB, and each song is featured in the right spot.  Every song delivered a variety of beats and lyrics that were, anywhere from hard hitting to smooth and relaxing.  I was hooked.  I thoroughly enjoyed every track, each one displaying the artist’s own personality and expression.  There are eleven artists featured on this album, and all will be seeing certain fame when word gets around.

There’s 20 tracks in all, and the ones that stuck out to me were Let Go (Mary Red – who’s sound and style blends in with bands I normally listen to), Studda Step by Skitzophrenic and Dweezy, Lost Ones by Jg Da Chef (which brought memories of the late Nujabes), No More by Rikko Jahgger, and Undecided by Miranda Jade (with Jahgger).  That short list does no justice for the entire album,   which is why I highly recommend you take a listen for yourself!

spotify:album:1gvtyisA7exHDqH2cOCYbH

If you don’t have Spotify, I recommend getting that, as well.

buy Legacy Nation vol. 1:
iTunes
Google Play
Microsoft Store

The Four D’s of Success – Drive

HockeyChampionsFall2005003All that hard work paid off.  I was dedicated to winning, determined to do what it took, maintained the discipline to follow through on that determination, and I had the drive to barrel through all of it.  Even to the point of moving from goalie to defender when we needed an extra player after a teammate got hurt in the last part of the 3rd period.  It was hard to move with the chest and arm protection on!  But I did what I had to do — and we won 5-1.  We won.  That was my goal, and I was successful at that goal.  Me…and my teammates, of course.

Where does drive fit in?  Drive is the fuel that fired the whole thing.  I saw one thing in my life that I wanted more than anything, and I was willing to change whatever I needed to in order to get the job done.  Drive is the motivation it took to get it done.

Drive enables the idea that something can be better, and the idea that you can make it happen.  Without drive, the other three Ds will not matter much.  If the drive (motivation)  wanes, then so will your dedication, discipline, and determination.  You let off the mental gas one time, and you will find yourself off track very soon!  Life does happen.  Sometimes you have to get out of the mode, and this is why it is important to set rest stops, if you will, in order to be able to regroup and get back on the road to your success.

There are so many ways to keep yourself motivated.    I could do an entire series on the different ways…but for this post, I will stick with the basics and brief explanations of each of them.

  • Affirmations:  I am (insert positive comment here).  I am strong.  I am happy.  I am beautiful.  If you have difficulty saying these things to yourself, add “dammit” at the end of them.  “I am beautiful, DAMMIT!”  Not only will it make you laugh, but it will soon start working, because you begin to really hear yourself.  You will get to a point to where you can say “I am beautiful, and I mean it.”
  • Mantras:  A very classic mantra that I only heard about a few weeks ago.  “I love you.  I am sorry.  Please forgive me.  Thank you.”  This is highly effective  when you get really upset over something over someone.  Oh, what I would have given to have heard and learned this powerful mantra about 6 months ago.  My life would be totally different, right now…then again, I love where I am, now.
  • Incantations:  I can’t explain this better than Tony Robbins, who made me aware of them…so…video:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25YHS2J8bYk
  • Planning:  To Do Lists.  Scratch paper full of things to get done.  The all-empowering checklist.  Make that list, check off as you go…the more you get done, the more your motivation will snowball.  You will be unstoppable by the time you get to that last item!  I have graph paper handy at all times.  I draw a line down the center.  The left side is my “official” list, and the right side is a scratch pad, if you will, of notes and numbers, disorganized to-dos, and at the bottom of that right side is the “goals” I have.  As my list on the left gets built, the goals get closer to being done.

Those of you who are already conditioned leaders already know these, I bet.  Feel free to add to the list in the comments area!   And keep up the drive  to your goal!

The Four D’s of Success — Discipline

imagesDiscipline.  The hardest D for me to maintain, but one of the most crucial of the four D’s of success.  Fundamentally, all of the D’s are important.  But discipline — the maturity to recognize and implement a system to ensure that I am on peak performance level during any game — is a struggle.  I have found ways to fool myself into doing what I need to do.  I cheat my mind into believing certain truths if I do not make the wisest decisions, regarding eating, sleep cycles, maintenance of equipment, you name it.  I will do what it takes to get my best self into that half circle.  I can and do make the best decisions, because I am worth that.  And to my team, I have become invaluable.  I am an asset that requires things to be done a certain way, or my team will suffer.  After all, Aristotle said it best:  “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit.”

You can be full of good intentions, goals, dreams, and be overflowing with the desire, determination, and uncanny drive to get there, but without discipline, achieving those goals will be almost impossible.  If you do achieve your goals without the proper discipline, the results will not be near as good as you’d desire them to be.  Discipline is the act of continuously doing the best thing possible in order to maintain good results.  In other words, it’s following a good routine, avoiding negative influences, nurturing positive ones, while keeping a clear mind throughout.  It sounds simple enough, right?  It can be, if you can learn how to say “no.”

I am single, live alone, and am responsible to myself.  I have a tendency to forget how much power my actions have, even as a single person living on my own.  It doesn’t matter whether my intentions are good or not — the outcome of my actions can be profound.  I can talk about how much I have done, but talk becomes as handy as a broken record, after awhile. Without continuously doing the right thing, my goals and intentions are out the door.  I must keep doing the right thing so that I can get the right results.

Being a sports fan, I can list multiple stories of young men and women who had to close doors on old lifestyles so that they could pursue their dreams.  If you ever watch the Olympics, you are introduced to athletes from all over the world who came from seemingly unbeatable odds just to get to there.  For many, it wasn’t about winning:  being able to say they were in the Olympics was a culmination of their goals and dreams.  They had to stop going out with friends, start eating clean, boring food, follow stricter sleep patterns, push themselves to absolute exhaustion day in and day out, all the while keeping a sane air about themselves.  When someone is trained in this pattern, it eventually becomes second-nature.

Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. Are there habits I am following that I could change in order to be more in line with my goals?
  2. Are there habits I could establish that would be more in line with my goals?
  3. Do I have associations that are keeping me from my ability to achieve my goals?
  4. Do I have associations that further my ability to achieve my goals?

Success involves changing your bad habits into good ones — habits that will make the success possible.  Discipline is the power that you already have within you to turn the changes into habit.

The Four D’s of Success — Determination

ice-hockey-659827_960_720

What a crazy shot!  I managed to get my blocker on it, but it careened off the crossbar after my attempted deflection!  I was able to scramble over just enough to prevent the puck from trickling into my net — that was close!  I don’t know how I did it, I just did — all I saw was the puck, and I was determined to make sure it stayed out of my net, and I did my job!  The defensemen on my team took it from there.  Time to square up and wait for the play to come back to me.  No pressure at all.

To be determined is another fundamental element to success.  It is the willpower to ensure  that a goal is met, no matter what the circumstances.  You can be disciplined, have the drive, and be dedicated, but if you’re not determined to achieve a goal no matter what, then don’t expect to see the results you want.  A lot of people will bail out of a project before it is finished simply because something goes slightly wrong.  Instead of finding possible resolutions to get back on track, they will lose hope and trash all of their previous effort.  A determined individual is one who sees the possible solutions to the hurdle and goes for the best option to get back on track.  They will do what it takes to achieve their desired outcome.  This action is what separates the successful people from those who dream.

An easier example of being determined is when I first wake up in the morning.  I usually have a strong idea of what I am going to do before I even go to bed.  When I wake up, my game plan isn’t on my front burner, as I need to get up, first!  I am determined to get to GO mode as efficiently as possible.  My purpose for the moment is set.  What’s my routine?  I take a shower, get dressed all the way to the shoes, even if I am not leaving the house, grab a cup of coffee from the automatic coffee maker, and sit down to my morning correspondence.  After that, I get a mental workout with some quick puzzle games, check in with a few friends to see what their day is going to be like, share some motivation, and that’s about the time that I feel completely ready for action!  If I don’t wake up with the sole purpose of getting to GO, I will never get there.  It all starts with the determination to get there.

See, everything has a purpose, and every life fulfillment begins with that purpose.  Even if it is just a day full of errands.  What is the purpose of errands?  Simple:  to take care of needs.  I need to get some groceries, I need to clean my car, I need to pay my bills, I need to mail that birthday card, and so on and so forth. Determination is the willpower to take action to meet those needs.

I needed to lose weight.  I weighed 345lbs and was at an all time low, emotionally, due to that weight.  I felt horrible.  My health was starting to falter.  I needed to lose weight.  I was determined to do that.  I had purpose — to get myself to a more healthier weight.  It  took time and a lot of determination to get to a point where I could say that I was half the size I was, back then, and I’m not done, yet!  I have met my original goal of losing weight (specifically, I wanted to be a size that  I could go to a department store and buy clothing off the rack in the “normal-sized” section, rather than hit up the plus-size area every time I needed a new pair of pants).  Now, I want to get to a point where I can pull off my favorite styles.  Trust me, as of right now, I don’t.  I am determined to get there!  Because of that determination, I will succeed in being able to wear my favorite styles.

You will succeed, too, at your goals;  that is, if you are determined to!